chemo #5 in 2 more days

I thought I might list what I do before chemo to get myself ready. I'm a little anxious about it.

I try to go outside and have as much fun as much as possible, as I might be sleeping for a few days. Tonight, I'm going to see Feist. It should be awesome.

I try to stock up on food, particularly really easy to make soups and nutrition bars. I try to minimize dairy, especially in the few days following chemo because it doesn't seem to sit ok with my stomach. I have frozen fruit, almond milk, and coconut milk for smoothies. I also stock up on cat supplies, because it wouldn't do to have to get some when I'm not feeling great.

I do my dishes and try to straighten up my place as much as I can. It's pretty much only going to get messier for the next week, so I like to start out with a minimal of mess.

I pack my backpack. Chemo takes between 4 and 7 hours; I like to have a variety of things with me to distract and soothe me. Of course, I'm likely to fall asleep most of the time, anyway.
kind of in order of importance:

• my bag, with my insurance card (in case they ask) and my debit card and ID
• subway token, cabfare, or definite ride to chemo (ok, that last one won't fit in the backpack)
• fully charged cell phone
• warm stuff (it gets chilly)
• a jacket
• scarf
• a hat
• arm warmers
• snacks
• granola bar
• cut up fruit and vegetables
• maybe a smoothie
• water, gatorade, etc.
• music (thanks, Ken!)
• lip balm and hand lotion (it's dry there)
• Lidocaine (to numb the port)
• note with new questions in it (so I don't forget to ask the doc stuff)
• sketchbook and pen (thanks, Melinda!)
• needlepoint: mandalas, thread, needle, scissors
• Kindle (thanks, Mom!)

I'm debating whether to bring my ipad. I'm pretty sure I won't have a signal there, but I might still be able to play with it. I also sometimes pack medications and such if I plan to stay at a friend's house instead of going straight home.

pink ribbons and all

I have to admit, sometimes I hate seeing pink ribbons. I see them everywhere. I see them on people's clothing. On water bottles at coffee shops. On buses. On billboards. I think I haven't gone a whole day without seeing pink ribbons.

At first, I liked seeing them. I felt like people were rooting for me, as though I were a sports team. Now, I see them and I'm reminded again that I have breast cancer, in case I forgot. I do forget, all the time. Breast cancer has been really tricky to wrap my brain around. I don't feel sick, except for the medications and treatment that I'm getting. I don't feel like I have cancer. I don't feel like I have a potentially life threatening disease at all. Sometimes, I just want to have a beer with friends or go home from work or something without having a thought my breasts or my treatment or, especially, Lumpy. Actually, usually.

Also, sometimes, I think- Wow! all that money spent on all those {posters|t-shirts|sneakers|water bottles|pens etc} could be used to help folks with breast cancer...

Sometimes, though, I feel like people are on my team.