Arrangements

We have finalized arrangements for Jennifer's funeral.

She will be at Vander Plaat Funeral Home
Tuesday January 7, 2014, viewings from 2-4 pm and 7-9 pm
257 Godwin Avenue, Wyckoff, NJ 07481
(201)891-3400

The funeral will be Wednesday January 8, 2014 at 10:30 am at
St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church
467 Grandview Avenue, Wyckoff, NJ
(201)652-4774

Interment will follow in West Milford, NJ at
Cedar Heights Cemetery

Thank you all for the encouraging messages, prayers, and remembrances. The photos and kind shared memories only serve to make us realize how many lives she touched. We love you all.

Our Angel has entered Heaven

It is with a heavy heart that I conclude this blog. My name is Athena Nonas and I am Jen's baby sister. On Friday December 27, Jen was admitted to the hospital for shortness of breath. Ken was with her. They found fluid surrounding her heart. They did a surgery to remove fluid and she was improving. She was put on a ventilator to help her breathe. The doctors found out she had pneumonia and a blood infection. Cancer for the first time was not her major concern. The infection became systemic and was causing kidney damage. She was placed on a ton of antibiotics. So many tubes were connected to her to help. They decided to start dialysis on Tuesday in the ICU. She was fighting with her parents and siblings by her side. We held her hand and prayed and sang lullabies.

On January 01, 2014 at 10:00 PM Jennifer passed away from the pneumonia. It's been a difficult 2 years for all of us.

Jennifer was a remarkable person. She was a best friend and a sister to me. She has inspired and affected everyone she's met. Each person's life has been made better by knowing her. People she never met were inspired by her story and strength and optimism. Her memories will live on forever in all of our hearts.

Thank you all for your constant support through these times. We love you all.

Christmas vacation

I am at my parents' house with Ken. We are leaving here tomorrow to spend Christmas with his family in Wildwood.

I haven't been feeling well. I have been coughing constantly and vomiting too. I really can't breathe when I am laying down. At best, I am wheezing constantly. It is terrifying to not be getting air in.

Somehow Percocet stops the cough so there is some relief. 

A few days ago, I had physical therapy for the first time sinice the accident. I was fatigued from wearing my leg down my steps and to Ken's car, and from the car to the mat room at therapy. I explained the accident and my injuries.the therapist decided to just do stretches. As I explained the pain, the therapist said she was worried about injuries and said she wouldn't work on the leg until I had an MRI.

Friday, I saw my primary care doctor a d re-explained the accident. He prescribed me painkillers, an MRI for my little leg, and an appointment for an optometrist. He said he chest tube scar looked good.

Thank you for all of your well wishes and holiday greetings. I have been spending my time laying around, watching television and movies.

Recovery

My folks drove me back to Philly last Wednesday. 

I had chemo on Friday. My little leg has been hurting from my pelvic bones through the muscles. Percocet helps only a little. I have had very few pain free moments in the last few weeks. I think it is getting worse too. Dr. Rubin said we would do scans on it if it still hurts in 2 weeks.

I stayed with Ken until today so that he could help me with eating and everything. I am so grateful to him. I have been feeling like I am a burden on my loved ones because I need so much help. They reassure me, but I struggle with bad feelings lately. Being in constant pain is a downer!

I took a painkiller a little bit ago and am watching a cheesy Christmas romantic comedy. I can feel the waves of numbness starting. I am tired of being sick and in pain.

Recuperating at my parents' house

Last week was a little rough. After the car accident, I was moved from one emergency room to another. At the second hospital, a surgeon inserted a tube into my right chest wall to re-inflate my collapsed lung. 

The next morning, I was fitted with a back brace that stabilizes my torso. It fits like a corset. I spent a lot of time resting in my hospital bed. The physical therapy team was amazing and helped me put on my prosthesis to get me walking. I walked down the hall and back, with the therapy aide lugging the container of my lung fluids behind us. I was sore, mostly from the chest tube.

On Saturday, my godmother, her husband, and Ken came to visit me. During the visit, the nurse practitioner took out my chest tube. It hurt much less than I thought it would. Removing the tape and bandages hurt more than taking out the tube.

I got discharged on Sunday. My father and brother came to pick me up. We drove home. Mom had a belated thanksgiving dinner waiting for us as we came inside.

Since then, I have been spending a lot of time in my wheelchair and in the hospital chair at my parents' house. I can get around with my crutches, too, but I cannot get my prosthesis on. The wiggly movements that I use to don my prosthesis are irritating to my back. They are also difficult to do while wearing my back brace.

Yesterday, I tried to lay on my belly. My left hip has gotten very tight with all the sitting. I could barely lay on my stomach for five minutes before the muscles were too achy to continue. I tried again today.

We also took off the bandages from the chest tube. The area is still tender. My brace digs into my side right above the scar from the chest tube. Athena helped me stuff my brace with socks to pad my breasts and sides from the harder edges of the back brace. It's much better now.

I am going to Hershey, Pennsylvania today with my mother and sisters. They had already planned the trip and it will be nice to have a mini vacation. I will be back to Philadelphia on Monday.

I feel so lucky to have walked, well, hopped away from the accident and that Athena and I are ok. The car is not ok; it is totaled.

Car accident

I have had a few things going on since I last updated the blog. Notably, I was a guest speaker twice for the Creative Arts in Therapy program at Drexel University. The first time I spoke about resilience and body image in cancer patients and disabled individuals for 2nd year Dance/ Movement therapy students. The second time, I spoke immediately after physical therapy about my experiences with cancer and disability to medical art therapy students. I still haven't processed the experiences, though I enjoyed myself.

This Sunday, my sister Athena drove to Philly to help me recover from chemo. She helped clean up my apartment and set up my Christmas tree. On Monday, I ran a slight fever and had a sore throat so I reported my symptoms to the oncology office. They asked me to come in Tuesday at noon. I cancelled my physical therapy appointment for illness.

After the appointment, we waited for antibiotics before heading to New Jeraey, to my parents' house. At first there was lots of traffic, then it thinned out. I kept falling asleep. Then, we were making good time on one the smaller curvy roads.

Suddenly, I heard Athena shout. We were not on the road anymore but sliding up th embankment and into a phone poll. My face felt like I just got slapped. People immediately stopped to help us. Athena seemed fine and remarkably calm. She left the car.

Eventually, I got myself out of the car by taking off my prosthesis and sliding across the drivers side. The front end was smashed in and all of out qitbags had gone off. With help, I crutched over to sit in a police officer's car. My back syltqrted to hurt.

When the ambulance came, the emts strapped me to a back boar which was very painful. We went to the nearest hospital where I repeatedly gave my extensive medical history and waited for morphine. I had trouble breathing on my back and kept trying to curl in a ball, against medical advice. When I left for the ct scan (@ 7:30), dad and Athena headed to the car to get stuff.

The doctor cam back in the room and explained that I fractured my L1 vertebra. She also saw that my right lung was collapsed though she was uncomfortable treating it because of the cancer. I got transferred to another hospital where they immediately stuck a tube in my chest to re inflate my lung. 

I have been in a fair amount of pain since. My parents, Athena, and Ken visited me today. It hurts to breathe but the back brace helps. My eye is swollen shut and my vieiion is blurry.

Please send me good thoughs and thank you for your prayers and wishes.

Mile walk

I walked another mile (just about) yesterday. I stopped for a few minutes on all the benches. I stopped for a bagel and tea at a coffee shop at the .5 mile mark. Then I turned around and very slowly walked home. 

I stopped at the fountain for 15 minutes to restore my energy and make some wishes. Mostly about walking and cancer.

I shopped at a tiny grocery store and bought a bottle of bitters because it is supposed to be helpful for nausea. I also got some ginger candy for the same reason. I hope it helps.

I stopped at Elissa's store and chatted with her for a while. When I left, it was cold. 

I got home fine. I was tired, but I had the energy to work on a crafty project for a while before heating up dinner.

I feel so proud of myself. I walked well enough that someone asked if I sprained my ankle. The asker might not have been too observant, but I like to think I had been bending my knee and balancing pretty well.

Post chemo #4

I was especially exhausted this past weekend. I think I slept about 20 hours a day from Saturday through Monday at Ken's house. I missed Halloween parties. I barely ate. When I returned home, Bunky did not leave my side until I felt better.

Then I had amazing pt on Tuesday and Thursday. I am getting the 4 step gait better so I don't have to think about each step. It takes more energy, so I can't go as far.

I even went for a .5 mile walk after pt on Thursday. When I get my energy back, I really try to use it. I figure if i can do the steps, i can walk at least a block. 

Of course, I spend my evenings sprawled in bed, trying to stretch little leg and my lower back which get so tight and achy with the walking. I

Today, I went to an amputee clinic with Ken. I was ready to work out, but it was mostly educational about foot care, recreation, the wellness gym, and yoga. We had a great lunch and I enjoyed connecting with he other amputees.

Then Ken and I met with the men who will put in the bannister on his steps. I am so thrilled about this change. No more bumping up steps on my butt.

Afterward, my parents joined us for a lovely, leisurely dinner at Le Virtu, across the street from my apartment. I did my best in nearly finishing my plate, with some help. Cathy and Francis, the owners, made it a very special night.

I have been organizing my pills by size and shape before taking them, mostly because I am a weirdo.

Barnes field trip

I went to the <a href="http://www.barnesfoundation.org"> Barnes Foundation </a> 

with my friend Marcy yesterday. I am a member, so it was free with membership . 

Marcy picked me up and we drove through the city to the museum. 

We parked and I practiced my 4-point walking style with my crutches to the main entrance. We borrowed one of the Barnes's wheheelchairs and set off looking at art work.

Marcy is very familiar with these paintings and told little stories about some of the artwork. I found it fascinating. One day I will be strong enough to go on foot and see the paintings standing up. Though it is pretty great to borrow a wheelchair from amuseum too.

My favorite painting is <a href="http://aestheticapperceptions.wordpress.com/2012/11/19/painting-of-the-day-7/">Flayed Rabbit</a> by Soutine. I like his paintings and kind of wish I painted like him.

After the museum, we went to lunch at Honey's, one of my favorite places in Philly. I felt not sick for the first time in a long time!

More chemo #4 recovery

I have been exhausted since chemo on Friday. My parents came to visit on their way to vacationing in Virginia.it was good to see them and I was reasonably awake during the visit.

I had enough energy to walk home from Ken's house (with his help) on Sunday. We stopped (and rested) at a street festival on the way. I had a cup of blueberry lemonade ice cream and sat with friends while Ken dropped stuff off at my place. It was gorgeous out, but I started to get cold. Ken bought me a hat. Then I started to get tired. Very tired. We walked the rest of the way home. I put on pajamas and went straight to bed.

I woke up a few hours later at 7. Then I got wildly, horribly sick in all kinds of ways. It's hard enough getting sick. it is even harder when you have mobility issues and cannot run to the bathroom or easily clean up after yourself. Ice cream was a bad choice. The last few times I tried it, I have become sick, too. I may not try it again. My food options dwindle every time I get sick. I sometimes cannot get myself to try that food again. No chocolate. No ice cream. Nothing salty. Nothing spicy. No yogurt. No mushrooms. No onions. No beer (because it tastes terrible without my sense of smell). Meat is pretty hit or miss. The list goes on. Of course, I am barely eating these days. I had about half a waffle and half a sandwich today. I am trying, but its hard when I am either getting sick or sleep(y/ing) most of the time.

Today, I have struggled to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. I managed a shower, which I had put off because I simply didn't have the energy. I ordered groceries and sewed a felt cupcake. I drew a little. I got sick a little. Mostly, I felt down about not having energy. I just want to feel good and walk around like its no big deal, like I used to be able to do. When I don't practice as much, I feel a little sad and overwhelmed at how hard everything is. I miss the old normal of my life. I miss not having cancer.

Chemo #4 recovery

I had my fourth cisplatin/ taxol treatment on Friday. It makes me tired for a few days. I seem to be less nauseous this time, maybe because I could keep down the anti-nausea meds. Yay!

My brain scan results were not in, but that probably means that there was nothing significant in them. That's good, since brain tumors are considered significant. I also had to promise to go to the hospital if and when I start coughing up lots of blood again. Also, the plan is to try to prevent the cancer from growing by staying one step ahead of it.

So, I am watching football at Ken's house today. It's breast cancer awareness month and the players all are wearing pink sneakers. I know it's for a good cause, but I can't help but feel like it would be better to support all cancer research. About 65% of breast cancer patients tend to survive five years post-treatment. That's great and I hope I am one of those statistics. I don't know the survival rate for metastatic synovial sarcoma, but I know that the median survival rate is one year post-diagnosis. I am not saying breast cancer shouldn't get support, but that it gets so much support that other cancers do not.

My anti cancer lullaby

I rewrote the lyrics to "I'll Fly Away" as a lullaby to the tumor's who live in my lungs. I sing it most nights. I have a weak singing voice, though. Singing requires a lot more breath than I normally have.

If you can sing, sing it for me. Or for the tumor's living inside of someone else's body. Put it up on YouTube.

Some versions of the original song:
Alison Krause and Gillian Welch
Johnny Cash

I am not sure if all my words works, but here they are:
Some bright morning, when the chemo's over
I'll kill you all
All the cancer cells will then be gone
I'll kill you all

(Chorus)
I'll kill you all, oh tumors
I'll kill you all in the morning
When you die, hallelujah, by and by, I'll celebrate!

When the CT scans come back all clear,
I killed you all
Like a bird, my heart and soul will fly,
I'll kill you all

Chorus

Oh how glad and happy will I be
I'll kill you all
No more chemo sessions all the time
I'll kill you all

Chorus

Just a few more chemo sessions and
I'll kill you all
And my body's health restored again.
I'll kill you all

Chorus

Brain MRI

The MRI on my brain today went well. Tracy picked me up and Nicole waited with me. The technician was the same one who'd been so rude to me about breast cancer last year. She blew 2 veins before I asked her to get someone else. The next person it the vein right away, but the needle had a bad leak and blood spilled over me, my bag and the floor. There was a lot of blood still when I looked halfway through the cleanup,

The MRI itself was loud, as usual. I imagined a skit in which a person lay on the table. Several people would stand over the person making random noises: one person might clap, another shake his keys, another stomp her feet. People who have never had one don't know the soundscape that they are missing out on.

After the MRI, we went to Tap Room for lunch. I drank cider because it seems the only alcohol that tastes ok to me, ken met us on his way back from his vacation. When I finally got home, I needed a nap.

S-u-c-c-e-s-s

Finally my energy seems back after my chemo session last week. Life is infinitely easier when walking across a room does not induce napping. It is hard to function when you are too tired to focus on a movie plot. 

I had fantastic therapy with Deb on Thursday. I got to ride a (stationary) bike! And stand on a cool machine that measures weight distribution between your feet. When I thought I was 50/50 with my weight even on my feet, I actually had 70% of my weight on my left prosthetic) foot. That surprised Deb and me.

Today I spent girl time with Emily and Nicole. We chatted at my place and then drove up to Royal Tavern for lunch. I had a Bloody Mary and a burger. I can tolerate more spice now, yay! Though my belly was pretty upset right afterwards, it was worth it. It was worth just being out of the house and in a place I hadn't gone in years. I ate half my burger (a lot for me). Success!

Then Emily and I went to Green Street Consignment shop to get her a dress for her brother's wedding. She tried on dresses and I sat in a comfy chair by the shoes. Nothing fit. As we started to leave, Emily pulled out a pair of bright red skinny corduroys a few sizes too big for me. I said, "Let's try them." 

I asked her to come into the dressing room with me. There was no chair. I popped off my leg and handed it to Emily. Then I sat on the floor in my shorts. I slid them off while she took my sneaker off the prosthesis. Then we dressed the leg. I got off the floor and, with Emily's help, donned the leg. Then I finished putting on the pants. I turned and looked in the mirror. The leg didn't look too weird with these pants. I would need a belt but the pants looked good. I stood in the checkout line with them. The computers were down, so the salesclerk had to manually run credit cards. As we waited, Emily saw a navy blue cocktail dress and tried it on. It looked perfect on her. Success!

We left the store without a single person asking me about my leg. I mean, there were stares. But no comments. More success!

Pt with Deb

My new physical therapist, Deb, is amazing. She is like a cheerleader, a coach, and a mom in one. Deb said that she believes I can walk without an assisting device and that we will get me walking with a cane before too long. She asked me my goals for therapy. I said 1) walking without assistance, 2) climbing steps with overhangs without tripping, 3) riding my bike, and 4) doing a cartwheel. I had never really done a cartwheel before, but I always wanted to do one. Plus, it will be a good party trick. Deb didn't bat an eye.

We did lots of leg lifts while I wore my prosthesis. I lay on my right side, my back, and my left side while using my little leg to kick out the 10 lb prosthesis. It was hard work. My homework is to practice laying on my belly for 15 minutes twice a day. That's about my limit anyway.

Next, we practiced walking with 2 canes. It is hard for me to get the rhythm of moving the right cane, my left foot, my left hand, and my right foot down, but I am getting better at it. I haven't walked naturally since last February, 20 months ago. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with my arms. Deb says that it will come, but for now I count out the rhythm. I did better walking with a single cane after all my practice with two canes.

When I got home, I treated myself to a smoothie and watching Beverly Hills Cop (again, for the 1,000 time). I love that movie. Then my baby brother Jimmy came over and we talked and laughed and watched movies for hours.

Today, I have been utterly exhausted. I went for a very short walk, but had to rest. I hope I didn't overdue it yesterday.

First day of pt at Magee outpatient

Today Ken and I headed to Magee's outpatient center for my physical therapy evaluation. I met Julie and she watched me walk with crutches. Then she had me doff the leg so that she could examine my limb. My hip flexors are still pretty tight, but I am having trouble laying on my belly to stretch them. Julie told me other stretches I could do.

After that, I walked with a cane. I showed off how well I can have all my weight on lefty for a second, maybe, if one is generous. I showed my generally good stair skills.

Then it was time to go. My appointments are Tuesdays and Thursdays. I feel glad to start, but frustrated by how slow my learning is. I just want to be able to do everything I want again.  

Sometimes, it feels less ok for me to complain since, you know, I am not dead because of the amputation. I miss my leg (when it was healthy) so much. I even miss the knee pain because at least I had a knee that could feel. Although it is nice to not have arthritis anymore. I badly miss the ease of how things were. Things may never be so easy again. Even if they are, I always notice the ease with wonder. 

Anosmia and neighborliness

I have been a little more breathless in the last few days. I haven't been able to walk as far, but I have left my place everyday. Yay! I need to set up my pedometer to keep better track of my distances. I had no appointments last week and didn't even call a doctor's office once. How delightfully unusual for me!

I have been struggling with a lack of appetite lately. On Friday, I had a clue. I was out with friends and ordered bread pudding. Folks a few seats away exclaimed how delicious it smelled. I couldn't smell it at all. I have since not been able to smell rubbing alcohol and burning toast. Occasionally a smell gets through, but it is pretty faint to me. No wonder beer tastes so bad to me! And no wonder why everything seems so salty! I guess this anosmia is a side effect of my chemo.

I practiced cane walking with Ken on Saturday. I get tired from it quickly. It is frustrating to not get too far before I need to rest.

Today, my parents came to visit. I met them outside to save them from climbing the steps. Then we had an utterly delightful dinner at Tre Scalini, across the street from my apartment. I ate a lot. I think the complex textures and flavors helped because  I could appreciate subtle components and not just salt. Also, we ate slowly with good conversation and lots of pausing. The owners stopped by the table to say hello to me and check in with our experiences. It was fantastic!

I just ordered groceries for tomorrow. I love this system of ordering from home. i may never regularly grocery shop again. I am going to try out cooking foods with a focus on subtle flavors and textures. Maybe it will help.

After dinner, my parents showed me a bedside chest that they brought. We all have some trouble on my stairs empty handed and could not even take it out of the trunk. I asked my neighbor, who has a barber shop next door. He carried it up the steps faster than I could climb the steps on my own. At the top I introduced myself and thanked him. He wouldn't take the money that my parents offered. I love the neighborliness of my neighborhood.

My mother helped with some cleaning and I gave her about 6 pairs of shoes that won't work with my prosthesis. Dad and I had a nice chat. He is having heart surgery tomorrow and it was pleasant to connect with him beforehand.

Biggest walk in 20 months!

I cannot tell you how excited I am about my walk today! I decided to head out to just the coffee shop about a block or so away to get some food and some exercise. I had been resting on couches since chemo and I wanted to move.

After my leisurely bagel and tea, I stepped outside and decided to keep going. The weather was crisp and breezy; I had energy. I decided to get my nails done. I passed the first shop because the steps seemed tricky. On the next block was another nail salon with no steps. 

I was the only customer. Anna worked on my nails and tried to draw me into conversation, but her English was not quite good enough and my Vietnamese is non existent. She was concerned that my nails were brittle and did colored; I explained that it was from medication. Later she asked about my leg and I explained what happened. She told me about her auntie who had cancer too. When we were done, she wouldn't take payment at all. Anna had tears in her eyes. She wouldn't even let me reach into my bag because my nails might smear. 

After thanking her, I left the shop and decided to keep walking. I felt rested and energetic. I figured I could walk a little further and sit at the fountain and people watch. I walked and stopped a few times to catch my breath. I met two middle aged men who asked about my leg. One man, Billy, was effusive in wanting to know what it was like for me to be an amputee. He offered to host a fundraiser or dinner for me and Ken at his restaurant, which happens to be across the street from my apartment. Then he kicked me in my prosthetic leg. He wanted to see if I could feel it. His buddy knew that I could feel it because his kick made my whole leg move. I didn't fall, but mostly because of the crutches and my awesome balance. Oh, South Philly!

I made my way to the fountain and rested a while. I had a lollipop and people watched. I got up and decided to head toward the post office. I needed stamps and I could stop or turn around before that if I started to feel my energy flag. Each step past the fountain was further than I had walked on my prosthesis.

I felt giddy as I got to the post office. I had trouble with the heavy door, but a young man held it for me and kind of spotted me on the steps. I had a standing rest waiting in line because it is the slowest post office anywhere and rarely has more than one clerk working.

When I left, I started to feel a little tired, so I immediately headed a block back onto the Avenue and into the nearest coffee shop for a smoothie and much needed sitting. I felt refueled, but knew I had to conserve my energy to get back home.

I walked and rested for a few minutes at the fountain and, again, on a bench two blocks later. As I walked, I met an elderly man who walked very slowly with a cane. He looked at me and said, "Well, now I know someone worse off than me!" I don't know how to take that. Then the 92 year old told me the pep talk he gives his legs, because he isn't ready to use a wheelchair yet. I admire his toughness and his wanting to say something to help me be tough also.

I kept walking until I got to my bench on my block. I rested a long while so that I could climb my 22 steps. When I got inside, I used a map to calculate my distance. I had walked 1.08 miles!! Sure it took me 4 hours, but I had a meal and a manicure. Besides, who 's counting?

My therapist told me about volunteers who hug folks as they finish races in the Special Olympics. I wished I had a team of huggers greeting me in my apartment to celebrate my walk. I settled for Bunky purring and cuddling, which is pretty fantastic too.

To celebrate (and conserve energy), I ordered delivery. I had steamed shrimp and snow peas with no sauce and it was bland enough for me to eat. Yet another win today! 

I announced my walk on Facebook and felt so supported. My cousin and her family went for a mile walk together in my honor. 

I might stop smiling about this walk, but only because something even more amazing happened.

Recovering from round 2, Cisplatin/ taxol

I have been sleeping and resting all weekend since I had chemo on Friday. I haven't been as sick as last time and I have been eating. 

I had some artichokes and a smoothie made with a nutrition drink and some berries.

It was ok, better than the drink on its own. I have been trying hard to eat, but it's tough, between the nausea and the lack of appetite.

I have a bunch of new prescriptions for pain, nausea, appetite, and coughing. I have an inhaler that I have used every day. It helps when I am coughing so badly that I cannot breathe. 

I think I smell weird too. Ken says that I don't, but I notice a chemical smell sometimes even just a few hours after I shower. To me, it smells like cold cuts and medicine. I hope no one else can tell.

I will be starting at Magee Riverfront outpatient physical therapy next week. Finally! It took over a month to switch from my capitated physical therapy provider who spent less than 10 minutes a session helping me walk. It is tough with the new chemo: in the last 19 days (since it started), I wore my leg for only about 6 days. I spent most of my time resting. I guess we will find out how to make it work for physical therapy. I can't wait to walk without holding onto anything.

In my down time, I have watched way too much television and read a book every couple of days. I started an embroidery project. I am still working on my felt model of my heart and lungs. I am re-working the folk song "I'll fly away" as a song to the tumors. (I will post the lyrics  when I have more energy.) I am bored out of my mind with having no energy. If you have any ideas, do let me know.

Post cisplatin & taxol

I was pretty sick for the first few days after chemo. My digestive system was unhappy in most of the ways that it could be and I felt exhausted. I had difficulty eating anything much until Tuesday night.

On Wednesday, I had some energy and walked to the coffeeshop and back. I napped for hours when I came home. I even went out to a Thai restaurant with Ken. On Thursday, I went for a walk with Rebecca at the grocery store. I walked leaning on the cart. Rebecca encouraged me to try walking with my cane.

The next day, I went for a walk with my friend Candace. I walked about .25 miles with just the cane. It was thrilling. On the way back, I stumbled and found myself falling in my prosthesis for the first time. It was very slow, but I couldn't straighten my leg. Luckily, Candace was there to catch me before I hit the ground.

I went for another walk on Friday and even went to the pub with some friends. I had trouble drinking much. Everything tasted like it had been sitting in rusty cans. On Sunday, I went to a fundraiser for STARS (Street Tails Animal Rescue). A friend recommended a ginger cider and it was good. My belly was fine.

Since then, I haven't been feeling so great. I have been running a slight fever and coughing fairly constantly. The oncologist's office said to go to the emergency room because my white blood count was a little low. I will go tomorrow.