Post chemo #4

I was especially exhausted this past weekend. I think I slept about 20 hours a day from Saturday through Monday at Ken's house. I missed Halloween parties. I barely ate. When I returned home, Bunky did not leave my side until I felt better.

Then I had amazing pt on Tuesday and Thursday. I am getting the 4 step gait better so I don't have to think about each step. It takes more energy, so I can't go as far.

I even went for a .5 mile walk after pt on Thursday. When I get my energy back, I really try to use it. I figure if i can do the steps, i can walk at least a block. 

Of course, I spend my evenings sprawled in bed, trying to stretch little leg and my lower back which get so tight and achy with the walking. I

Today, I went to an amputee clinic with Ken. I was ready to work out, but it was mostly educational about foot care, recreation, the wellness gym, and yoga. We had a great lunch and I enjoyed connecting with he other amputees.

Then Ken and I met with the men who will put in the bannister on his steps. I am so thrilled about this change. No more bumping up steps on my butt.

Afterward, my parents joined us for a lovely, leisurely dinner at Le Virtu, across the street from my apartment. I did my best in nearly finishing my plate, with some help. Cathy and Francis, the owners, made it a very special night.

I have been organizing my pills by size and shape before taking them, mostly because I am a weirdo.

First day of pt at Magee outpatient

Today Ken and I headed to Magee's outpatient center for my physical therapy evaluation. I met Julie and she watched me walk with crutches. Then she had me doff the leg so that she could examine my limb. My hip flexors are still pretty tight, but I am having trouble laying on my belly to stretch them. Julie told me other stretches I could do.

After that, I walked with a cane. I showed off how well I can have all my weight on lefty for a second, maybe, if one is generous. I showed my generally good stair skills.

Then it was time to go. My appointments are Tuesdays and Thursdays. I feel glad to start, but frustrated by how slow my learning is. I just want to be able to do everything I want again.  

Sometimes, it feels less ok for me to complain since, you know, I am not dead because of the amputation. I miss my leg (when it was healthy) so much. I even miss the knee pain because at least I had a knee that could feel. Although it is nice to not have arthritis anymore. I badly miss the ease of how things were. Things may never be so easy again. Even if they are, I always notice the ease with wonder. 

Another busy week

(There's no reason for Mr. Bunky's picture to be here except that he is patiently waiting for me to go to sleep so he can sleep, too.)

I started outpatient physical therapy this week at Novacare. I only have 11 more sessions. I aim to be walking with just a cane. PT Dan seemed very straightforward as he evaluated my range of motion and my abilities. 

I had my regular appointment with my gyno on Thursday. I really like her. She spent an hour reviewing my medical stuff from last year with me. I felt so cared for! She was concerned about my support systems and my coping with everything. She's the best! In case you were wondering, I took off my leg for the exam. I was wondering about it beforehand and thought it would be easier without it. 

Friday was chemo again. My shoulder X-ray is totally clear, but my shoulder pain has escalated to where I take painkillers a few times a day. I am getting a ct-scan, a bone scan, and an EKG (my blood pressure is pretty high). I also have the ultrasound and the mammogram the surgeon ordered. I hope we can do a few of these during the same visit.

After chemo and my nap, I went for a walk in the neighborhood. Ken met up for me and we had dinner at a restaurant. We hardly ever go on dates and it was fantastic. I realized that my shoulder hurt less after the walking.

Today, I walked to Ken's house to watch the soccer game. Then we walked to Lucky to have drinks for Rich's birthday. That's about .6 miles total. I left early because my shoulder started aching and I couldn't take deep breaths without pain. 

This breathlessness makes

Me miss the easy air flow

For years I ignored 

Jimmy says that writing haikus helps with pain because it forces you to think in rhythm and in syllable which makes it harder to focus on the uncomfortable body sensations. 

Grocery shopping

Oh my goodness! I went grocery shopping today with my parents. I haven't been to a grocery store in over a year.

I decided I was only going to get cat food. I leaned on the cart for balance. My dad walked with me as we made our way through the store. The pet aisle was almost all the way on the opposite side from the entrance. The cat section was almost all the way to the back of the store. I was pretty winded when I got to the cat food section. I stopped for a while before heading back to the front of the store to check out. I was exhausted and shaky when I finally got to rest in the car.

I felt so frustrated that I was easily winded and fatigued. It was like climbing a mountain and coming to a vista where you see that it's still a very long to the top. Still, I haven't been strong enough to even attempt being in a store in so long. I have come along way.

Back to my parents' house

I met with my orthopedic doctor this morning because of running fevers since the surgery on Friday. He undid all of the Ace Bandages on my leg: from thigh to toes. He also changed the bandages on the wound. My leg was covered in ugly bruises. Dr. Junkin said that I would need an ultrasound test to make sure that I didn't have a blood clot.

He had other news, too. Dr. Junkin said the the material from the cyst was still being studied by pathologists to discern exactly what Lumpy II was.  Dr. Junkin said that it was malignant and may be related to Lumpy or to breast cancer treatment, or be unrelated.

I know I am hiding this scary information, but I cannot absorb it right now. It's the second time this year that a doctor has told me that I have cancer cells in my body. I cried a little, but mostly I am completely exhausted.

Athena drove me back to our parents' house. The ride was rough because my leg had to be at a weird angle and her air conditioning did not work.

update on appointments

I apologize for not updating more often. I didn't have internet access at home until today. I had been walking or "walking" to the coffeeshop for internet, but I haven't even been able to do that in the last few days. My leg has been worse since last week. My knee is swollen and stuck at a 90 degree angle. It is really hard to walk on. The orthopedic doctor called in a prescription for Vicodin and for Gabapentin to help with pain.

I have 5 appointments this week: 3 tomorrow. I meet with the orthopedic doctor tomorrow morning to discuss his plan for surgery. Afterwards, I meet with the hospital staff to determine any presurgery tests that they need. In the afternoon, I meet with my surgeon to review my scars from the cancer operation.

Thursday, I get my shot of Herceptin and Friday I have surgery on the cyst in my knee (finally!).

Recovery

I have spent most of the last 70 hours lounging in a love seat in the corner of my parents' house. My family has wheeled me to the bathroom and to the kitchen for meals.

Today I took a shower and changed my clothes. The nurse said to remove the bandages today, but I have been too nervous to start peeling off the wrap holding the gauze in place. It seems shallow, but I feel worried about what the scars look like.

My left leg is still tough to walk on. I am having some nerve stuff happening in my foot and toes. They feel like they are on fire. When I walk, the sole of my foot feels like it is walking on sharp rocks that are hot from the sun.

Lumpy 2 update

I haven't really had Internet access recently. My upstairs neighbor moved out, taking wireless with her. I ordered it, but it looks like my phone lines don't work. I don't know how to solve this. Also, I am on a ton of painkillers. That's probably why I can't figure it out.

Wednesday, I went to the hospital for my knee because it had been so bad Monday and Tuesday that's couldnt sleep. As i stepped into the building, people who were waiting asked the guard for a wheelchair for me. The doctor wouldn't see me because my referral had not been completed. I waited in the lobby, half slumped and half awake. My friend joined me and we headed up (different floor) for an MRI of my breasts. There was no visible cancer. Yay! I still got a shot (for contrast dye) and had a hard time holding still for the pain in my back, hips, bones, and my left leg.

Thursday, I went back to the hospital with a friend to see dr junkin, the orthopedic dr who had aspirated my knee in hospital. He gave me a shot of lidocaine and tried to aspiratemy knee, but nothing came. He sent me for an ultrasound guided aspiration on Friday.

Friday, Ken dropped me off at the hospital and I requested a wheelchair immediately. Iwas transported to the procedures area. I was in a ton of pain. The seat of the wheelchair seemed to press to hardon my body. I couldn't get comfortable. The nurse said that I could take Percocet. I did and started to relax. The doctor aspirated 90 something cc's of fluid, about 3 ounces. Afterward, I took a nap, thanks to the pressure relief and the painkillers.

Today, I can still barely walk. I am about where I was Monday, in terms
of pain and mobility. I am very frustrated and a little nervous about how swollen my foot is. I feel bored and isolated from everyone. I would love some cheer up phone calls or messages.

Needle count: 41
(it was 34, 1 for MRI, 2 for Thursday, and 4 for Friday.)