Stitches out

Today I got my stitches out (from when Dr. Junkin took out the cyst). It felt uncomfortable, but it was okay. By the time I felt like I needed a break, I only had 1 stitch to go.  Also, I don't have to wear the immobilizer anymore. Yay!  Dr. Junkin wants me to see an orthopedic oncologist in New Jersey. He suggested that radiation might be more effective than chemo. I hope so. 

Otherwise, I had 3 very nice visits from different friends. I can't explain how helpful these visits are. I am so isolated, even in my own apartment. I will be starting physical therapy next week, also.

Today, I didn't cry at all. I may be overwhelmed and exhausted, but I can do this. Having cancer is hard, but each moment is something I can handle. Sure, it'd be so much more handle-able if I wasn't in pain, but I can't control that. I am taking a very short, minute-by-minute view of my life. I can pretty much accept or tolerate anything for a minute.

Back to my parents' house

I met with my orthopedic doctor this morning because of running fevers since the surgery on Friday. He undid all of the Ace Bandages on my leg: from thigh to toes. He also changed the bandages on the wound. My leg was covered in ugly bruises. Dr. Junkin said that I would need an ultrasound test to make sure that I didn't have a blood clot.

He had other news, too. Dr. Junkin said the the material from the cyst was still being studied by pathologists to discern exactly what Lumpy II was.  Dr. Junkin said that it was malignant and may be related to Lumpy or to breast cancer treatment, or be unrelated.

I know I am hiding this scary information, but I cannot absorb it right now. It's the second time this year that a doctor has told me that I have cancer cells in my body. I cried a little, but mostly I am completely exhausted.

Athena drove me back to our parents' house. The ride was rough because my leg had to be at a weird angle and her air conditioning did not work.

Surgery tomorrow

Marcy drove me to the Oncology office and I got my herceptin IV today and a shot of Lupron. Dr. Rubin said that things looked good on the CT scan and bone scan, except for 1 thing in the report. I am going to have Marcy get the cd of the images and bring it to her tomorrow, so that we will know more about how important this thing is.

Surgery is Friday (tomorrow) morning. I may be overnight at the hospital. Wish me luck!

Touch count: 22
Needle count: 64

More tests!

Today I have a CT scan ( of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis) and an MRI of my knee. The MRI will help the doctor surgically remove the stupid Baker's Cyst that has been wreaking havoc on my ability to walk. I just need my surgeon to call the orthopedic doctor to approve me for surgery. Yay!

Yesterday, My acupuncturist used cupping to get the inflammation down in my knee and leg. It was awesome. I didn't take Percocet until bedtime because that helped with the pain. I go back to her on Monday.

awesome news

I met with my surgeon today. He said that the tissues removed during the lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy showed NO SIGNS OF CANCER. Yay!

Cheesy Haiku:

Lumpectomy
makes it hard to sleep at night
and the scars scare me.

My chest is still sore
But I'm so relieved that there's
no signs of cancer

Also, he said that I shouldn't work until September. I'm supposed to have knee surgery next week sometime. It will take 2 weeks to recover from. After that, I'll be starting radiation and may be too tired for work.

Recovery

I have spent most of the last 70 hours lounging in a love seat in the corner of my parents' house. My family has wheeled me to the bathroom and to the kitchen for meals.

Today I took a shower and changed my clothes. The nurse said to remove the bandages today, but I have been too nervous to start peeling off the wrap holding the gauze in place. It seems shallow, but I feel worried about what the scars look like.

My left leg is still tough to walk on. I am having some nerve stuff happening in my foot and toes. They feel like they are on fire. When I walk, the sole of my foot feels like it is walking on sharp rocks that are hot from the sun.

surgery is tomorrow

I'm feeling nervous and stressed about tomorrow's surgery. It seems like I have a ton of things to do beforehand.

I took a week off in my schedule at work, but I'm trying to cancel appointments in the beginning part of the second week, in case I'm not up for seeing people then. No one is answering their phones and it is frustrating.

My parents want me to come home with them so that they'll help me in my recovery. I will have to pack my clothes tonight. It's hard to pack because it's still really hard to walk and move around. I am trying to anticipate the things that I will need for my cousin's wedding (if I'm up for going to it). I'm also needing to pack things to study for my art therapy board certification exam.

I found a friend to take Mr. B. for the week after surgery. She has a spare key and knows where all of his stuff is. I hate to have her grab him when I'm not there, but I'm not sure how else I can make sure that he's taken care of while I'm gone.

I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something very important.

Sometimes when I'm working with anxious clients, it helps to list out the worries. Here's a list of my worries:

• I'm worried about not being able to walk or use my arm on my left side. Will I be able to use my cane if my underarm is sore from the surgery? How will I get around (even just to the bathroom)?
• I'm worried about finding out about any spread of the cancer cells into the lymph nodes, even if it's not active.
• I'm worried about how I'm going to look after surgery. What will the scars be like? What will it be like to have scars on my breast and in my underarm? How are they going to feel? What will it be like when I first see my scars?
• How long am I going to be in pain? Actually, this is kind of a silly question as I've been in pain that makes it hard to sleep for months now. I'm just tired of being in pain.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep it together. Last night, I got my nails done (as I wouldn't be able to do it for a while). At the nail salon, they gave me glasses of wine. Then I met my recently laid-off coworker-friend for a drink at the pub.

Surgery is scheduled

Yesterday, I met with my surgeon very briefly. He scheduled my lumpectomy for next Friday. Lumpectomy stills sounds like a made up word.

Today, I saw my oncologist. I got a bag of herceptin which took about an hour. I will be getting this $5000 shot every 3 weeks until February. I also got a shot (in my butt) of lupron, which shuts down my ovaries. Blegh. The doctor added that the raised itchy bumps were probably mosquito and that I might be extra attractive to them and/ or extra allergic to them, courtesy of chemo. Chemo's so full of so many surprises.

Also, in case you were curious, I walk like a little old lady with a cane and support hose. I make friends with the grandmas while waiting for buses. It is possible that the last aspiration will make my knee all better, but it isn't statistically likely. I asked my surgeon for physical therapy, as I can't straighten my knee, but my oncologist thinks that no one would work with me because the cyst is still there. Meanwhile, I hobble and rest every half block and take Percocet to sleep or put my foot up.


Today's appointment took so long that I didn't go to work. I was in the office from 11 am to 4pm.

Needle count: 43
Touch count: 18