I got new skills

Today I met my friend Kristin for tea. I went downstairs on my butt holding my crutches. I decided to try to open my front door alone. I haven't been able to do this before because the door is heavy and I had trouble figuring out how to position myself. I got my crutch in the doorway to hold it open for me and walked through my front door all by myself for the first time in maybe 7 months or longer. I felt so happy and so excited that I just stood outside the door beaming.

We walked to the coffeeshop together. It was an easy walk. I might try to go further tomorrow. Kristin walked me back to my apartment and I opened the door myself for the first time. I feel like I can leave my home alone now. It's a gigantic deal to me to be able to open that door by myself.

Perhaps because of my excitement, I decided to practice crutching up the stairs. I started with the first two steps and, before I knew it, I had gone up all 21 steps. I did it perfectly with no stumbles. I think inside steps tend to be easier because they are a little more even. I feel so proud of myself for making the attempt to open the door and go up the stairs. Yay!

I miss the time in my life when everything did not seem to require so much effort. I miss walking without thinking about each step. Being a new amputee definitely requires a level of mindfulness that my healthy body didn't. I am still getting used to all of these changes.

Some days, particularly Mondays, I feel frustrated at my lack of focus and low energy. I think I am still recovering from the weekly chemo. Being nauseous all day takes away my motivation and my energy. I get bored watching television all day.