a few words on chemo side effects

My body hates chemo. Luckily, Lumpy also hates chemo and is going away. I'm not talking about that, right now. I'm going to complain about the ugly side effects of chemo. If you need me to be cheery and such, then you  might want to redirect your reading.

Chemo is an Occam's razor for finding out which of my cells reproduce the fastest (since they are the ones targeted by the chemo). My hair cells were affected most obviously (and over my whole body, aside from eyebrows and eyelashes). My nails are tearing and breaking; they are normally really tough to cut. All of my mucous membrane stuff is affected. For the first week after chemo, I have a fairly constantly dripping nose.I get lots of bloody noses. I'm not even going to talk about the other body parts. Suffice it to say, this stuff is pretty gross. Even worse is my digestive ickiness, since all of the cells are badly affected by chemo.

For instance, did you know you can have constipation and diarrhea at the same time? I bet you didn't! Also, nerves in my fingers are being really lazy today and only sometimes sending movement signals. I bet you can imagine how fun it is to have your fingers not really moving when you have to urgently use a bathroom. Also, I want to share the irony of anti-nausea pills that increase my nausea (at least until it starts to work).

If I just had all of these symptoms, I'd be at the doctors now. Instead, the doctor's treatment is giving me all of these symptoms. I bet, in a 100 years, people will find this treatment ridiculous or inadequate, the way we find older medical treatments. At least I wasn't born a hundred years ago, as I wouldn't have lasted this long then. Yay, for medical advances!

chemo #3

Yesterday, I had my third chemo session. I have 3 more to go.

I'm exhausted. Mom and Athena came with me to the appointment. Again, my port didn't bleed, so it needed to be flushed.

I got a shot of something to shut down my ovaries. I can't remember the last time that I had an injection in my ass. I am kind of nervous about the chemo-induced menopause. I don't really have the energy to talk about that right now, though.

The doctor says the tumor is almost gone.

Today, I walked to the post office and got a bunch of fantastic care packages. Thanks! I was so tired, a friend had to pick me up and drive me four blocks home.

needle count: 24
touch count: 14

in the frying pan and on fire

I called the doctor earlier last week to ask for more drugs. My legs and hips were hurting and the percoset was not helping with the pain. The nurse asked me to come into the office on Thursday because she didn't think the pain should be so intense.

On Thursday, I headed to the office on my way to work. The oncologist examined my breast again; Lumpy is even smaller. Yay! She looked at my leg briefly and said that she thought it might be a blood clot. She admitted me to Hahnemann Hospital so that they could assess and treat it.

At the hospital, they took 5 vials of blood from my port and took my vitals 3 different times in the space of 2 hours. The nurse also gave me a shot of blood thinner medication into my belly every 12 hours to treat the possible blood clot. Later, the art therapist brought me a ton of art supplies. A few friends visited me and we joked around before visiting hours closed for the day. I had trouble sleeping because my back, hips, and entire left leg couldn't get comfortable. I was in pain, despite the percosets every 4 hours. I painted watercolors all night.

In the morning, they wheeled me down to x-ray and ultrasound. The radiology technician did the exam twice, pressing the magical ultrasound wand hard into the sore spots on my leg. The doctor asked me questions about Lumpy and whether or not it was an invasive cancer. Normally, I might have been more anxious with these questions, but I was barely able to keep my eyes open after not sleeping and taking regular painkillers all night.

My oncologist said that I have a Baker's Cyst, basically a fluid-filled sac behind my knee cap. It is pressing against blood vessels, which explains why my calf is swollen. She released me from the hospital.

I spent the weekend limping around Ikea and hobbling at a party. My primary care doc examined me today and said that I should stick with ice, ibuprofen, and rest because stupid cancer and stupid cancer drugs might be affected by the treatment of the cyst.

Nothing like leaving the doc in pain.

needle count: 21
touch count:  13

post chemo, etc.

I am doing pretty good about 6 days after the last chemo treatment. I got to see my amazing extended family over the weekend, which was fantastic. I am so grateful for their loving support.

I'm also getting used to wearing wigs. I feel like I'm wearing a disguise, particularly when I wear a wig and sunglasses. I'm trying to perceive it as a fun spy game, instead of feeling as though cancer has disrupted my visual identity. That's too gigantic to even think.

My muscles and bones hurt. Percoset is doing little for the pain in my legs, hips, and lower back.  I tried massaging my leg last night. When I changed for bed, I found giant bruises on my thigh. I wasn't being particularly rough, but I suppose I have to be even gentler. My leg muscles are so crampy that they have to stretch when I stand up straight with my feet flat on the ground. I wore heels to work today in the hopes that it would make it easier for me to walk. I would have thought that the idea of wearing heels to make walking easier was crazy a year ago, but things change.  I called the oncologist and surgeon to ask for more or different medications for the pain. It's difficult to sleep when my muscles ache.

I think the pain is also making it hard for me to eat. I have little appetite still. I get full pretty quickly and have to remember to eat.

chemo #2

(This entry is brought to you by Percoset, Gatorade, and a mighty chemo hangover.)

Yesterday, I had my second dose of chemo. The nurse couldn't get my port to bleed, so she suggested using a vein in my arm. She tried, but I don't have easy veins. They like to hide from sharp objects. She found one in my hand, but it wouldn't bleed enough either. The nurse went back to the port and flushed it before starting the anti-nausea and Benedryl drips.

The doc said that Lumpy is smaller and not stuck to the skin wall anymore. Yay!! I can't see it anymore. Before, it kinda stretched the skin on my breast, like a mini baby bump in the wrong spot. She also said that this chemo would not be worse than the first one.

I told my friend that I should be done around 2 or 3, but we ended up not getting done till after 5ish.

I feel ok today, just very tired with chills. I am waiting to have the energy to get up to go to the bathroom.

needle count: 18
touch count: 12

head shaving party

Yesterday, I had a head shaving party with a bunch of awesome friends, some delicious beers, and some pizza. It was wonderful. I had many different haircuts along the way. Two of my friends shaved their heads too.

It feels a little weird that we spent so much time styling up my hair, since it's still falling out like crazy.

Yay! I like this hair cut. Even if I only have it for a week.

hair loss - day 16

My hair's falling out. I had pulled it back and my fingers came away with hair. I keep running my fingers through it and pulling away more. I should stop, but it's kind of weirdly fun. Luckily, I'm shaving my head this weekend. Let me know if you want to join me.

I need to get a hat, a scarf, wigs. I didn't do it yet. I'm having all kinds of stress about the insurance covering the wig. My doctor gave me a prescription for a "cranial prosthesis" because apparently insurance companies are into word games. I called the insurance company about it and they said that I had to purchase the wig at an in network shop. The woman I spoke with put me on hold for 40 minutes and then explained that there were no "in network" wig shops in Philadelphia. The woman then explained that I could get my doctor's office to request that the wig shop get precertified so that insurance could pay. She said that it could take a few weeks. I explained that I would be losing my hair soon and would like them to help with that sooner than later. Today, I asked a friend to do all these phone calls. It's too much for me. I get too sad when I have to jump through hoops.

I'm feeling kind of down since yesterday. I am getting anxious about the next chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday.