I have a hard time telling people when I'm having a hard time because most people have hard times hearing about other people's hard times. I feel upset when I know that I'm creating a situation that is difficult for other people to deal with. I tend to try to help other people process their feelings; I'm a therapist, after all. I can't actually help other people process as I don't have the energy. I'm not in a position to do so.
I went to work today and was in pain. I've been having trouble with muscle cramps and bone aches in the last couple of days following chemo on Thursday. I felt frustrated that my pain was obvious to other people, because it was difficult enough to sit with my own pain, without having to watch other people helplessly watch me.
I feel cranky and irritable. I'm a little freaked out that I'm entering menopause (because of the chemotherapy). Cancer sucks. Chemo hurts. I probably need to do some painting.
That said, I did have a wonderful weekend of sleeping ridiculous amounts and visiting with my sister and friends. Yesterday, a friend took me to see The Artist (so wonderful). I even had enough energy to go for a walk afterwards and to eat a little, before heading home. Of course, I was so tuckered out by being awake for 10 hours that I fell asleep before 9pm.
I have doctors' appointments tomorrow and Thursday to check the port and my blood counts.
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