Thursday, June 28, 2012

surgery is tomorrow

I'm feeling nervous and stressed about tomorrow's surgery. It seems like I have a ton of things to do beforehand.

I took a week off in my schedule at work, but I'm trying to cancel appointments in the beginning part of the second week, in case I'm not up for seeing people then. No one is answering their phones and it is frustrating.

My parents want me to come home with them so that they'll help me in my recovery. I will have to pack my clothes tonight. It's hard to pack because it's still really hard to walk and move around. I am trying to anticipate the things that I will need for my cousin's wedding (if I'm up for going to it). I'm also needing to pack things to study for my art therapy board certification exam.

I found a friend to take Mr. B. for the week after surgery. She has a spare key and knows where all of his stuff is. I hate to have her grab him when I'm not there, but I'm not sure how else I can make sure that he's taken care of while I'm gone.

I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something very important.

Sometimes when I'm working with anxious clients, it helps to list out the worries. Here's a list of my worries:
  • I'm worried about not being able to walk or use my arm on my left side. Will I be able to use my cane if my underarm is sore from the surgery? How will I get around (even just to the bathroom)?
  • I'm worried about finding out about any spread of the cancer cells into the lymph nodes, even if it's not active.
  • I'm worried about how I'm going to look after surgery. What will the scars be like? What will it be like to have scars on my breast and in my underarm? How are they going to feel? What will it be like when I first see my scars?
  • How long am I going to be in pain? Actually, this is kind of a silly question as I've been in pain that makes it hard to sleep for months now. I'm just tired of being in pain.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep it together. Last night, I got my nails done (as I wouldn't be able to do it for a while). At the nail salon, they gave me glasses of wine. Then I met my recently laid-off coworker-friend for a drink at the pub.

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