Lost my job

I have to get COBRA to continue my medical benefits so that I can continue my fight against metastatic sarcoma (the Rebel forces) in my lungs.

Yay! Because I wasn't too busy with killing cancer cells and learning to walk. 

I could write a bluesy song: I got the cancer and the cancer and a blood clot. Then I lost my leg and my job. I guess if I had a wife who left me and a dog who ran away, I would have a hit.

running errands with Athena

Athena has been tremendously helpful. I knew that I would feel better eating more nourishing foods, but I had no idea that I'd feel this much better! I've been eating tons of fruits and vegetables, rather than the semi-healthy frozen foods that I've been living on. I'm also trying to minimize gluten in my diet because my acupuncturist suggested that it might increase any inflammatory response that my body has. I can't afford that; my leg is so swollen, I couldn't wear pants. Luckily, it's hot and shorts are acceptable.

Yesterday, she dropped me off at Methodist to pick up my MRI report. I made a bad decision and read the report which was scary, partly because it used lots of words I didn't know and some words that I did, like neoplasm. I really don't want to have Lumpy II have anything to do with cancer. I'm done with that.

Today, Athena dropped me off at Renaissance Healing to get acupuncture and chiropractic work done. My acupuncturist did cupping on my knee to help reduce swelling. My chiropractor helped with neck stiffness that I wasn't even aware that I had until it went away.

Then Athena drove me to work where I sent out letters to all the clients whom I couldn't reach by phone. I'm not going to be working again until September. I feel a little guilty about my absence, but the families have ways to continue therapy if they are interested. Most of the families said that they'd wait for me.

After work, I dropped off the MRI report at Dr. Junkin's office. Then I hobbled across the street to my surgeon's office to get another prescription for Percoset. Athena picked it up for me.

Surgery is scheduled

Yesterday, I met with my surgeon very briefly. He scheduled my lumpectomy for next Friday. Lumpectomy stills sounds like a made up word.

Today, I saw my oncologist. I got a bag of herceptin which took about an hour. I will be getting this $5000 shot every 3 weeks until February. I also got a shot (in my butt) of lupron, which shuts down my ovaries. Blegh. The doctor added that the raised itchy bumps were probably mosquito and that I might be extra attractive to them and/ or extra allergic to them, courtesy of chemo. Chemo's so full of so many surprises.

Also, in case you were curious, I walk like a little old lady with a cane and support hose. I make friends with the grandmas while waiting for buses. It is possible that the last aspiration will make my knee all better, but it isn't statistically likely. I asked my surgeon for physical therapy, as I can't straighten my knee, but my oncologist thinks that no one would work with me because the cyst is still there. Meanwhile, I hobble and rest every half block and take Percocet to sleep or put my foot up.


Today's appointment took so long that I didn't go to work. I was in the office from 11 am to 4pm.

Needle count: 43
Touch count: 18

back at work

I haven't been working a lot in the last two weeks. I was out 5/31 and 6/1 because of being in the hospital to get my knee drained. I was out 6/4 - 6/7 because of chemo and recovery. Last week, I was out 6/13 - 6/15 because of doctors' appointments related to my stupid knee cyst. Since the beginning of the month, my knee has been drained of nearly 160 cc of fluid - that's approximately: 5 oz, about the size of those little soy sauce bottles on the table in asian restaurants. Yick!

Anyway, I'm back at work and the atmosphere is weird, since we are supposed to find out about layoffs today. Great! Just what I need to make my year extra-splashy-super-exciting!

my day to day

I thought it might be useful if I describe my day to day experiences.

Usually I wake up around 9am. I go to the bathroom and wash up. Then I go sit in the kitchen for a while to rest because I'm tired again. I take some ibuprofen and take my temperature.

Around 10, I get up again. Today, I cleared off the table and moved things from the kitchen into the living room. When I got there, I had to rest a little bit. I used my awesome new handheld vacuum cleaner on the massive amounts of cat hair on my sofabed for a few minutes and rested for a few minutes alternately for about 20 minutes. I only got through half of the bed, but it made a huge difference.

Then I washed up dishes that had piled up over the week. Afterwards, I rested. Then, I showered and changed. I rested for a few minutes after that, too. I put on some make up (because I look so much healthier with eyebrows) and arranged my wig.

I left my house around 11:30 and walked up the street to get some food. I'd been craving bread and butter and had some with coffee. I had to stop back at my house because it made my stomach sick.

Then, around 1pm,  I took the bus to work. At work, I see between 3 and 5 children, teenagers, and families in a day. I try to rest in between sessions, but I can't always do it. By the time I leave at 6pm, I'm exhausted waiting for the bus.

The bus takes about 45 minutes to get me home (around quarter after 7). I might pick up some take out or heat something up when I come in. I put on a movie, take ibuprofen, and try to eat at least half my food before I fall sleep, but I can't always do that. The movie-sleep is fitful while I try to get comfortable.

I usually fall asleep on my sofa bed somewhere between 11pm and midnight. I wake up around 3am because the ibuprofen and/or percoset has worn off by then. I sometimes watch a movie again, read, or sketch for a few hours before I fall back to sleep.

work stuff

My boss's boss called me today to talk about my time off. She sent someone from HR to figure out the details of my time off from work, since I do miss a number of days. I've been out 25 days since January; I try to be conservative with time off, but I'm already out of sick time for the year. Actually, I owe 3 hours of sick time. I never worked at a company before that was so precise about time off.

Sharon (from HR) suggested that I leave work early when I'm tired (which I already do). She said that I will get paid for the whole day because I'm exempt from overtime. (In the past, I've had to use sick time to leave early.) We called my boss's boss to check on this solution, but she said that she knew that I'd probably feel pressured to stay for the whole day. She proposed that I plan to come in for half days until treatment was over (in October) and that I get paid for full time. Sharon added that I still can get short-term disabilty for time off following surgery. That works out even better than I'd hoped.

still tired

I am exhausted and achy all over. I'm having more trouble than usual eating, but I'm craving steak.  That's a good sign, no?

I haven't heard from the doc about an appointment for my cyst yet, but they said they'd call when it was scheduled.

My surgeon didn't leave a prescription for more painkillers available today, so I have to get it on Monday. I'm pretty sure I have enough for the weekend.

My boss asked me to consider working part time. I felt bad when he said it, because it means that Lumpy (and treatment for Lumpy) is getting in the way of work, too. It's getting in the way of so many things. I don't know. I am pretty tired, but I feel like I might get depressed without working, since it helps me to get out of bed those days. I know I'm not being a great therapist now, though.

I'd type more, but I'm having trouble feeling some of my fingertips, likely a chemo side effect. I guess this is the best that I can do right now.

telling kids at work

Today, I decided to start telling some of the children who I see in therapy that I have cancer. I wanted to prepare them for changes that we might expect to happen, like more disruptions in their scheduled appointments and changes in my appearance.

The first girl I told is a teenager with lots of struggles with anxiety. I've worked with her for about 2 years and she has made enormous changes. I'm so proud of her efforts. Because she rarely misses sessions, I gave her the option of switching therapists to someone who would be there more consistently, but she said that she'd rather see me as often as we could. She seemed upset about my announcement; I felt bad in sharing. Being a therapist is hard.

Later, I told two siblings whom I've worked with for three years. The older brother said that he'd come in less often. He's doing great anyway, so I was trying to move him toward that kind of schedule already. His sister seemed engaged and matter-of-fact in the conversation. Apparently, she just learned about cancer at school, but she thought that everyone died from it, which lead to more weird conversations. She was very excited about me wearing a wig "because white ladies don't get to wear wigs that much".