memorial day weekend

I had a fantastic Memorial Day weekend. I spent time on Sunday with my extended family. My cousin James picked me up from South Philly and drove me to his house in the suburbs, to save me the train ride. I wasn't sure how I would deal with walking in the train station, so that worked really well. At his house, we picked up his wife and daughter and drove to his father's place.

I got to see my parents, my sisters, and a slew of other relatives.  I had to take a nap and my father helped me walk into house. He could tell that I was in pain and said so. I felt terrible that he could tell. I have a hard time admitting that I am in pain or that I can't do something. I always say that I'm okay because I re-calibrate what it means to be okay. I try to walk as best as I can, even if it means taking a break every 50 feet. I try to not focus on the pain or discomfort. I even conceptualize the side effects as "annoying" instead of "debilitating". I'd rather be "annoyed" than "debilitated". This isn't just playing with words; if I'm annoyed, that speaks to my psychological point of view and if I'm debilitated, it speaks to my physical state. I can change my perspective, but I do not have psychological powers to shift my perception of pain.

Anyway, James drove me home to South Philly at 10 pm. He suggested that I call my oncologist because my left leg and foot were so swollen. They were about 2 inches bigger in diameter than my healthy right leg and foot. My oncologist said to go to the emergency room and get an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot. James and I were there until about 5am. There was no blood clot and the swelling was because the baker's cyst (Lumpy II) was pressing on blood vessels. Lumpy II is 8.5 cm by 4.5 cm around. I'm a fairly visual person and I like to have size equivalents. Lumpy II is bigger in diameter than a tennis ball (~6.7cm diameter) and a baseball.  The cyst is a little bigger than the size of a tuna can. To compare, Lumpy (the breast cancer tumor) was about the diameter of a half dollar when it was first measured and the size of a golf ball at it's largest.

I look forward to having the cyst drained tomorrow as well as my last chemo (ever, hopefully!) on Thursday.