4 days of being home

I have been so happy at home. Each day, I get stronger and stronger. It's amazing. On Monday, I scooted up 2 steps on my bottom and was too exhausted to go further. Thursday, I scooted down the steps and scooted up the steps a few hours later. I did not even take a break in scooting upstairs.

Tuesday, I had a revolving set of friends taking care of me all day long. It worked perfectly.

My godmother Peggy arrived on Wednesday morning and has been supporting me tremendously. She brought a ton of food and is constantly bringing me bowls of fresh berries and plates of muenster cheese. On Tuesday, My art therapy supervisor, Mary Donald, from when I interned as an art therapist on the oncology floors at Hahnemann University Hospital also visited me. She brought food and told me about a program she started where home bound folks would receive complementary healing arts services (i.e. reiki, massage, art therapy, movement therapy, music therapy, etc.) at home. She said that she'd like to commit to visiting weekly.

Yesterday, Peggy helped me wash myself in the tub. I cried as I realized how disabled I am in that I needed help to bathe myself. I feel sad and somewhat disoriented when I look at my body and the territory is unfamiliar. My thighs are atrophied. My left breast is scarred. My belly pockmarked from twice-daily Lovanox injections. It felt good to cry and wash at the same time, to accept the "new normal" with my godmother, whom I've known my whole life.

Later, Peggy brought me to my oncologist's office for my post-hospital visit. It turned out that Dr Rubin was in surgery for herself and that one of her colleagues saw me instead. We explained about my "regular" fevers; she said that we should call the nurses if symptoms changed, like if the fever was at a different time of day or was accompanied by pain or discomfort.

Today, the visiting physical therapist, Jim, and the visiting nurse, Sister Janice, both visited. Jim observed me walked from my living room to my bedroom and back. Afterward, I was so exhausted that I slept through the rest of the session, which consisted of him entering information into an app on his phone. Sister Janice observed Peggy injecting me with Neupogen. We had a great visit.

Overall, I am doing well, though I feel like my long-acting pain drugs might be too strong for me. As I write this, I have 1 eye shut so that I can focus. Also, I seem to require a daily nap in addition to a good night's sleep. I feel humbled to live similarly to a 2 year old lifestyle, where food should appear unasked and everyone else has to disappear for nap time.